SPAIN v. FRANCE [1-3]

Who's Got Crabs?

HIGHLIGHTS


Don't hate: Lazy YouTubers tarried this post. [Don't You (TM) guys not have anything better to do than upload highlights that I can then jack?]

Things to look for: a) France coach Raymond Domenech's great reaction to the awarding of a penalty to Spain, b) Thierry Henry smartly signaling to the linesman his absent-from-influencing-play status (after being caught offsides around 7 times previous) c) Vieira's nifty Cruyff turn with the right foot and quick dish with the left d) Willy Sagnol throw Zidane out of the way to get closer to the bottom of the winning-goal-pile.

People are talking about Henry's Lee Strasberg routine and whether he's a cheat or not, but you won't find any of that chat here. B'n'C's all about the real stories of this Weltmeisterschaft. Like: Are Cancers destined to dominate in the last half of 2006?. (Know your history) West Coast correspondent Mingus Dynasty, a/k/a Ming Black, checks in with this report:

Apparently, Raymond Domenech relies on astrology, and so must be well aware of the Cancerian partnership of Zidane and Vieira in midfield. Given that Vieira scored on his birthday and the game after; that Zidane scored after his; fellow Cancer Raul scored on his birthday; and with Lionel Messi also celebrating his 19th with usual domination, it's only logical that the celestial order has ordained this World Cup to be the Most Cancerian World Cup of the Modern Age. Indeed, this is confirmed by the positions of the Sun, Jupiter and Uranus, but that's another story.

B/T/W, we're totally obsessed with Zidane's chart right now: "TIP: Master an art form such as poetry, music, photography or dance. You can do it Zinedine Zidane." Or more dire: "TIP: Zinedine Zidane, learn when enough is enough."

Also: they told dude to, ahem, start a Zine.