It's a joke, it's a joke.

Grant Farred knows this was Ronaldo's very first touch of the match.

Diminutive Manchester United left back Patrice Evra has ideas on how to stop teammate Cristiano Ronaldo.

"Probably the only way to do it is to kill him.

"I have never seen anyone like him before in my life. When he runs at you, you try to grab his shirt or do whatever you can. But he just goes past you, makes fun out of you and leaves you kicking the air.

"I see him every day in training. I watch what he can do and I think 'Cristiano, no. It is a joke'."

Don Rodriguez had a very spirited email conversation the other day with a prominent, American-born Arsenal fan, and being that I was only able to peer over Sr. Rodriguez's shoulders, I will quote selectively. The conversation went as such:

Arse: I hate Ronaldo more than I hate KKKarl Rove. He is the Britney Spears of pro soccer and will eventually be exposed for the fraud he is.
DR: Hating Ronaldo is sort of like hating Brad Pitt. What's the use? Just enjoy it.
Arse: Yeah but I don’t hate Brad Pitt. I think its more like hating Colin Farrell.
DR: Colin Farrell can't do stepovers. Or act. Ronaldo's actually good at both of those things.
Arse: I consistently want to punch both Colin Farrell and Ronaldo in the face. Never Brad Pitt.

In light of Evra's observation, it seems this Arsenal fan was talking team tactics and not merely out of spite, jealousy or ill will. Or not. Perhaps we all should just watch the last three runs on this video and decide for ourselves. [Mixtape fiends will recognize that this highlight reel is set to Kanye West's "Livin' A Movie."]

Look at my Fashionista.

Got Benjy lookin' all googly-eyed and silly.

It is a poorly disguised internet secret that posting pictures of Cristiano Ronaldo on your blog rockets up hit counts significantly. [A brief shout to all the ladies out there Google-image-checking for "the Boy" as Sir Alex so often calls him: Hello, ladies.] Internet, your spot is blown.

It is also poorly disguised secret amongst fans of Manchester United that their own decrying of the sartorial excesses and fortunate bone-structure of its current and fleet-of-foot Portuguese Number Seven are desperate attempts to deflect attention from the childlike (okay, girlish) pride they feel when dude runs 70 yards past everyone on the other team and then scores. Or does this. Gary Neville, your spot is blown.

B/T/W, "cheers" to C.R., whose English -- while not great enough to avoid the awkwardness of of recently referring to oneself in the third person in a language one is still unfamiliar with -- was good enough for this bit of dry humor [taken from the Vogue article where the pictures above appeared]:

"According to the newspapers I have 20 girlfriends, but I have only met two or three of them."

Even so, its things like this that make people want to do this.