Whose World Is This?

It's mine, it's mine, it's mine.

Though he'd rather not say for which nation it beats hardest, the heart of Don Rodriguez is Latin, through and through. Which is why, for the next few weeks, we implore you, reader, to spend your free minutes and hours with us -- screaming, shouting, meditating, opining, and smiling -- as we spend our time glued to Telefutura, watching the 2007 Copa America. For those that don't know...

This is the 42nd edition of the South American football tournament (a.k.a., for all you pro-/proto-imperialist bastards, the "European Tournament of South America"). For the first time in its history, the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela will host the cup, which runs from June 26 - July 15. Fans of petroleum and Beelzebub will know that nation, and its president, Hugo Chávez Frias, quite well.

Don Rodriguez would love to tell you about its many wonders. Sadly, all he learned about Venezuela he learned over many whiskeys on an all-night flight to Europe from a balloon-breasted half-Italian, half-Venezuelan that wouldn't let him fall asleep. The information is not necessarily reliable, shall we say, though the Don maintains, "That one, she was a real sweetheart, that one."

But back to the tournament. Uruguay and Peru get us started tonight (as we speak, in fact!), as do the hosts against Bolivia. European soccer gets more than enough burn, more than enough ink. Support the New World. Show your mates that you know a little more about L'Amerique Sud than the conquering Frenchmen that drew the map above in 1514. Join the Don on his new mission to show as much love as possible to our Socialist brothers from the South, and to wish only the best for Juan Roman Riquelme.

And do yourself a favor. Please, please, please watch it in Spanish. [And don't be afraid to root for Diego Forlan. Mama Don "has a crush." We'll leave it at that.]

COPA AMERICA SCHEDULE (check local listings, ha)

Group A: Venezuela, Bolivia, Uruguay, Peru
6/26 Uruguay vs. Peru
6/26 Venezuela vs. Bolivia
6/30 Bolivia vs. Uruguay
6/30 Venezuela vs. Peru
7/3 Peru vs. Bolivia
7/3 Venezuela vs. Uruguay

Group B: Brazil, Mexico, Chile, Ecuador
6/27 Ecuador vs. Chile
6/27 Brazil vs. Mexico
7/1 Brazil vs. Chile
7/1 Mexico vs. Ecuador
7/4 Mexico vs. Chile
7/4 Brazil vs. Ecuador

Group C: Argentina, Paraguay, United States, Colombia
6/28 Paraguay vs. Colombia
6/28 Argentina vs. U.S.
7/2 U.S. vs. Paraguay
7/2 Argentina vs. Colombia
7/5 Colombia vs. U.S.
7/5 Argentina vs. Paraguay

7/7 Quarter final match: Teams TBA

7/7 Quarter final match: Teams TBA

7/8 Quarter final match: Teams TBA

7/8 Quarter final match: Teams TBA

7/10 Semi final match: Teams TBA

7/11 Semi final match: Teams TBA

7/14 3rd place match

7/15Final match: Teams TBA

The Boomin' System.

Cars ride by.

"C to the O to the O to the L to the I to the N
To the F to the R to the O to the N to the T to the I to the N
That means I'm chillin."

The only book on Thierry's summer reading list [etexts linked @ bottom of page].

Buy U A Drank

I'ma take you home with me.

TOM: "Let's talk money."
DAVID: "I talk that."

Walk Like a Champion

Rom-pa-pa-pom-pom

Buju Banton - Champion

Exactly what Becks & Co. are listening to at this late hour, we're sure of it.

Let's set the scene: We're at Arena. It's late, and getting early. And from where we're standing, just over van Nistelrooy's bobbing head we can see Roberto Carlos, standing atop the bar, wearing one of those tiny sombreros and his game shorts, inviting patrons to admire the definition of -- and perhaps stroke -- his thighs. There is a sizeable line. The rest of the Brazilians are dancing furiously, Emerson throwing 'bows so as to give Robinho and Cicinho ample space to move. A generous soul, he is. Guti, having promised the team he'd shave his head if they won the league, has been fantastically successful convincing girls on the dance floor that he is indeed David Beckham. Iker Casillas is doing his level best to cock-block, as per usual. Guti hates this. Raul is having problems convincing people that he is Raul. Cannavaro never made it inside the club -- still outside posing for paparazzi. Antonio Cassano, who hasn't yet picked up Spanish (he considers it an inferior dialect of Italian, fit for children, maybe) and spends all his time with his fellow countryman, is sulking next to the bouncer, halfway through a pack of Ducados, which he'd be the first to admit are terrible cigarettes.

Our boy Becks? I think you know just as well as we do who he's with and what he's doing. Yeah.

But for, um, real, normalmente no soporto los merengues, but Don & Co. are genuinely happy for D.B. When this guy is on you side, you can't go wrong, can you?

UPDATE: Watch...Highlights of Madrid-Mallorca + ensuing celebrations

Or put some money on your head.

If you can't pay the fee, shout out my n***a fee.

Poor Dida. Despite from birth having to overcome the borne-by-the-world preconception that "Brazilian goalkeeper" is a contradiction in terms, and later the ignominy (not to mention fright/health concerns) of being struck in the head by a criminally overzealous Internazionale fan's flare (see above) during a match a few years ago, AC Milan's sad-faced shot "stopper" isn't even worth a Benjamin on eBay [Cheers, Soccernet].

An angry AC Milan fan put Brazil goalkeeper Dida up for sale on the internet ahead of next week's Champions League semi-final return with Manchester United.

The 33-year-old, who joined Milan in 2000, was a hero after the shootout win over Juventus in the 2003 Champions League final but his popularity has slumped after a series of errors.

He was criticised following last week's 3-2 first-leg defeat to United at Old Trafford, when he flapped a Cristiano Ronaldo header into his own net and then left his near post exposed for Wayne Rooney to blast home a stoppage-time winner.

Dida failed to attract great interest on eBay. The price, before the Brazilian international was removed from the auction site on Friday, had reached 71 euros ($96.66) after 25 bids.

The old baby-on-the-corner trick.

Not gonna fall for that sh*t.

Don Rodriguez is quite fond of the mixtape, but c'mon.

As someone smarter than the Don quipped, if you say real talk, I probably won't trust you.

Please say the baby, I guess:

Lil' Wayne - "Crazy"

Yeah, that shit I hated.
Like early '90s, late '80s,
I was hustlin' as a baby,
you can ask Evil Street [?]
about me, I'm a G.

Back in the studio and do the REMIX!

Every time they shoot a shot, it's like, swizz.

Don Rodriguez and myself only wish that either player, Maradona or Messi, after an ecstatic, orgasmic goal like that, allowed their respective egos to run slightly wild in celebration, beating their chests, you know, sort of like they were King Kong.

[We haven't been able to make a tripartite joke work yet. But we're always looking for the opportunity.]

"They drink Haterade."

Or something to that effect.

Either Don Rodriguez is doing his part to prepare America for the already ridiculous level of scrutiny with which David Beckham is already looked at in places that do not solely associate the man with movies where he supposedly bends things, or he's cashing his fat, pound sterling check from David's publicist.

But anyway, dunny got a new tattoo.

Seemingly derived (OK, maybe only in the Don's free-associative mind) from the Dungeon Family School of forearm ("sleeve") tats, it appears that his new arm art consists of a mixture of scenery and text. We're sure the pictures are pretty, but we're more concerned with the words here, as is the classics editor of the Times Literary Supplement, since the message is a Latin slogan rendered in English on Becks. To wit:

The original reads in Latin: “Oderint dum metuant” (a nice example for you Latinists of the use of “dum as proviso, plus the subjunctive”). According to the Daily Mail, Becks first of all wanted the real Latin, but it was the word dum (“provided that/as long as”) that caused the problem. Could it be taken as a reflection of the mental agility of Mr Beckham? Better perhaps to play safe by avoiding it entirely?

In fact as any classicist must know, the word ‘dum’ is only part of the reason why having “oderint dum metuant” or its English equivalent might be an own goal.

Now, this is apparently not the first time Beckham has run afoul of spelling, grammar (or here, accidentally advocating tyranny) in terms of inscribing something on his person that can't easily be removed. Supposedly the tattoo on the inside of his left arm -- "Victoria" in Hindi -- actually spells out "Vihctoria." Which is tragic and hilarious. But anyone who's watched Miami Ink even once -- and I've watched it twice goddamit -- knows that for some reason, people find it nigh-cancerous to actually go and check on the spelling and/or grammatical/syntactical correctness of a phrase that they are having, painfully, applied to their body. Go figure. Or don't, then have someone tattoo it on your face.

Next thing to prepare America for re: Becks: his voice. Think Mike Tyson.

UPDATE: An eagle-eyed reader pointed out that I neglected to give those reluctant to click on the TLS link the English translation of D.B.'s tattoo. It reads: "Let them hate (me) as long as they fear (me)."

One man band man.

Bad man. Bad man.

Okay. Maybe the best player in the world is, once again, small and Argentine.

Ronaldo, Sr. Rodriguez is waiting for an answer.

Can you tell me how good my French is?

Bon jour, money. And au revoir, b*tches.

Not really sure why these Canal+ producers felt "Karma Police" set the appropriate mood for a father-son, side-by-side comparison, but strictly on elegance and symmetry of movement alone, this clip is pretty effective.

Now it is of course ridiculous to start obsessing about 12 year-old Enzo, but for anyone who's watched his pops do, well, just about anything that requires moving a body part, there is a certain recognizable and peerless grace to the way ZZ touches and runs with the ball. And it's remarkable how similar both these, and the particular angles Enzo strikes are to dear old papa. Je dis seulement.

A retour.

Gimme that.

Oh shit.

Come and talk to me.

[Forgive me:] Just press play.

Don Rodriguez exists for days like this. So excited is he about this momentous meet & greet that he just can't wait to tell you a few things that you may or may not have known about these two "living legends."

• Diddy enjoys recycling his “I had the dopest paper route” story.

• Diddy can’t say the word “intern.”

• Diddy cannot be called Diddy in the U.K. because someone else there is called Diddy, and won a legal right to the name.

• Rio Ferdinand is the world’s biggest Jodeci fan.

• Rio Ferdinand is the “most expensive defensive footballer in the whole wide world.”

• Rio Ferdinand smells of Diddy’s cologne. He has a bottle in his bathroom. He is peeved that he was made to pay for it.

It's a joke, it's a joke.

Grant Farred knows this was Ronaldo's very first touch of the match.

Diminutive Manchester United left back Patrice Evra has ideas on how to stop teammate Cristiano Ronaldo.

"Probably the only way to do it is to kill him.

"I have never seen anyone like him before in my life. When he runs at you, you try to grab his shirt or do whatever you can. But he just goes past you, makes fun out of you and leaves you kicking the air.

"I see him every day in training. I watch what he can do and I think 'Cristiano, no. It is a joke'."

Don Rodriguez had a very spirited email conversation the other day with a prominent, American-born Arsenal fan, and being that I was only able to peer over Sr. Rodriguez's shoulders, I will quote selectively. The conversation went as such:

Arse: I hate Ronaldo more than I hate KKKarl Rove. He is the Britney Spears of pro soccer and will eventually be exposed for the fraud he is.
DR: Hating Ronaldo is sort of like hating Brad Pitt. What's the use? Just enjoy it.
Arse: Yeah but I don’t hate Brad Pitt. I think its more like hating Colin Farrell.
DR: Colin Farrell can't do stepovers. Or act. Ronaldo's actually good at both of those things.
Arse: I consistently want to punch both Colin Farrell and Ronaldo in the face. Never Brad Pitt.

In light of Evra's observation, it seems this Arsenal fan was talking team tactics and not merely out of spite, jealousy or ill will. Or not. Perhaps we all should just watch the last three runs on this video and decide for ourselves. [Mixtape fiends will recognize that this highlight reel is set to Kanye West's "Livin' A Movie."]

So much white it'll hurt your eyes.

"Ha-ha!"

Now that's what I'm talking about.

“For the first time in the rap game history, we finna get us a street team of nothing but pretty white girls to promote this single,” group member Slick Pulla said in a statement. “The blondes, the brunettes, the green eyes, the grey eyes, the red heads, the freckles, all that man.”

Caucasian Ladies (and this is no joke): please email, ahem, whitegirl@corporatethugzent.com if you're "down."

Wow.

Just last week I was out in Italy.

Yeah, me too.

Neither Don Rodriguez nor myself are lucky enough to be planning a trip to Rome -- for pleasure or otherwise -- anytime soon, and we're certainly not the fortunate sort who have tickets to see the first-ever matchup of Manchester United and AS Roma, two teams of which we are both very fond.

Don Rodriguez played layabout for six weeks one spring, loving -- in no particular order or fondness -- Monteverde, the number 66 bus, not ever paying for the number 66 bus, gelato (early, often, and obviously), and the greater part of the Temple Tyler female art student body, some of whose nicknames actually contained the word "body." Also, tattoos of cellos, which he thought pretty, and Francesco Totti, who many also think pretty, though he is no cello, and certainly no tattoo of a cello. Me, well, I just liked Eric Cantona.

None of this wistfulness has anything to do with the letter Man U posted on its website, addressed to the sizeable contingent of English fans traveling to Rome for Wednesday night's (here, afternoon's) Champions League match. It's both hilarious and profoundly unsettling, written with classic British politesse (or would that be French?) and understatement, though in some of the blunt urging of their fans to avoid certain (HIGHLY SPECIFIC) sections of the city, might a cynic not detect a slightly more untoward sentiment? Because this is long enough, I'll save the Isn't-This-Part-Funny/Great/Weird commentary and just put which parts of which I'm an unqualified fan in itals (ha?). Enjoy.

Dear Supporter,

The following document, whilst quite lengthy, contains some very important information regarding the forthcoming match in Rome. PLEASE will you carefully read all of the information provided.

It is particularly Important that you take advantage of the public transport shuttles leaving at 5pm from the Piazzale delle Canestre. Fans of other English clubs who have made their way independently to the stadium have reported on a number of occasions problems with getting back to the City Centre after the game and there is a real danger of being attacked by the 'Ultra' fans of AS Roma. We realise that fans travelling independently may not wish to give up that independence but we ask you to consider your own safety and welfare as being of paramount importance.

We are told that you must definitely not take the metro trains to the Piazza Faminio or attempt to use the Ponte-nenni bridge as these are habitual routes taken by the 'Ultras' to the stadium.

When we visited the stadium recently we also met with representatives of The British Embassy and received some specific advise to pass on to our fans. Will you please, therefore, note the following:-

In terms of the approach to the stadium we are advised that there will be an outer ticket cordon at which full searches will take place. Please be mindful that perfume, make-up bags and bags of coins are prohibited and will be confiscated and will not be returned later.

It is customary in all areas of the stadium for spot checks to be carried out and proof of identity sought. Acceptable proof of identity documents are a passport or a photo driving licence – photocopies are not acceptable.

Whilst this game is taking place in the Olympic Stadium, fans will find some of the facilities fairly primitive. Toilets, particularly female toilets, do not contain the usual toilet pan. There are refreshment facilities but these are quite limited.

MOST IMPORTANT

PLEASE NOTE THAT THERE WILL BE A HOLD BACK AFTER THE GAME. THIS IS USUALLY FOR A PERIOD OF 90 MINUTES.

We voiced our reservations about this but the police in Rome advised us that it is necessary for the safety of supporters. There is a large video screen in the stadium and we propose to take with us some match action videos to play on the screens, however, the screens will be blank until the stadium is empty of AS Roma supporters.

All tickets are bar coded and there is a sophisticated entry system with full length turnstiles. Supporters with tickets for other sectors will not be permitted to approach those turnstiles and will not be relocated in to our sector. Fans with tickets for AS Roma sectors may be admitted but they do so most certainly at their own risk. The authorities state quite clearly that there will be no alternative.

Important points
Supporters should make sure that they have proper travel tickets (which can be purchased at newspaper stands, tobacconists and machines inside the metro stations) if they intend to use the metro or local buses. Tickets must also be stamped in the relevant machines. There is an immediate 50 euro fine for passengers who do not have a stamped ticket and if this fine is not paid immediately, it increases to 100 euros plus the cost of the ticket.

Places to avoid
Please stay far away from CAMPO DE FIORI which is the meeting point for the AS Roma fans and a place where there has been a lot of trouble in the past with `Ultra` AS Roma fans

Crime
Levels of crime are generally low but there are higher levels of petty crime in the big city centres. Take care on public transport and in crowded areas where pickpockets and bag snatchers may be operating. In Rome, take particular care around the main railway station, Termini, on the number 64 bus, which goes to and from St Peter's Square, and when unloading your baggage from airport/city coaches. Also take care in and around railway stations in other large Italian cities. Be particularly wary of groups of children who may try to distract your attention whilst trying to steal from you. Passports, credit cards, travel tickets and cash should not be carried together in handbags or pockets. Only carry with you what you need for the day. Consider making use of safety deposit facilities in hotels.

Cars, at rest stops and motorway service stations are targets for obbers. You should treat with caution offers of help if you find yourself with a flat tyre, particularly on the motorway from Naples to Salerno, as sometimes the tyre will have been punctured deliberately.

Always lock your vehicle and never leave valuables in the vehicle even if you will only be away for a short time or are nearby. There have been a number of cases of cars containing luggage, or of luggage left in cars being stolen. You should avoid leaving luggage in cars overnight or for any length of time.

Be vigilant when travelling on sleepers/night trains. Thieves sometimes operate on trains in Italy and may take the opportunity, during the night, to rob sleeping travellers. Theft can also take place on trains during the day. Do not leave bags containing valuables unattended.

Police in Europe have issued warnings that counterfeit Euro notes are in circulation on the continent. You should take reasonable precautions to ensure that any notes received from sources other than banks and legitimate Bureau de Change are genuine.

Mindful that this information can create the impression that there are serious concerns for United fans surrounding this match, we wish to make it clear that this isn’t the case. Rome is one of the most beautiful cities in the world and the officials of AS Roma have been courteous and helpful in their dealings with us. We want you to enjoy your visit and enjoy the game.

Finally…We are advised by AS Roma that the law in Italy prohibits the issue of duplicate tickets therefore, lost tickets CANNOT be replaced.

Crit Game Proper

Physically fine, but his flow's sick.

Much like John Brown beasting on the independent game, Nicolai Ourousoff has lately been beasting on the architecture crit game, where readable, eloquent, and insightful beasts are few and far between. When Don Rodriguez and I sit down to chop it up about, you know, freestyling over other dude's beats, free-kick techniques, and why we've never really liked Richard Meier's style yet credit his Westside steel-and-glass flag-planting with drawing top-shelf architects, their designs, & actual commissions to NYC again, we get excited and usually it's an N.O. piece that kick-starts the convo. The last 2 have dealt with buildings on that soon-to-be-stunning (or heartless?) stretch of West Street from Chelsea down thru the Village. Here they are for your reading pleasure.

N.O. on Jean Nouvel

N.O. on Frank Gehry

Life is Life.

La la la la la.

As you no doubt may have heard from the one person you know who obsesses over soccer [and heartfelt apologies go out to those for whom that person is me], Diego Maradona was hospitalized recently for ill health, though he is apparently recovering nicely.

"It wasn't an imbalance in his blood circulation or with his heart, but was a product of an incoherent regimen of excessive eating, drinking and smoking," his doctor, Alfredo Cahe, told reporters in the doorway of the Guemes clinic in Buenos Aires.

What, you may ask, constitutes an "incoherent regimen of excessive eating, drinking, and smoking?" Or a better question: what constitutes a coherent regimen of excessive eating, drinking, and smoking. [Insert bad comparative celebrity joke...now.]

Apparently this: "He is smoking three or four Habanos (Cuban cigars) a day. For him, who didn't smoke, it's too much," Maradona's doctor said [emphasis added].

M had supposedly decamped to Switzerland to chill back in a no-doubt sleekly-designed, though still rather heartless (sort of like the Swiss themselves) teak sweat-lodge, or some other form of intense weight-loss clinic to drop some of the pounds he'd gained back after the gastric bypass surgery that had helped him slim down a few years ago. Perhaps the Swiss treated him as the Germans did at last year's World Cup.

Ether way, he seems stable, and suitably feisty again. Some more updates from his Doctor:

"He woke up at 0230 and he insulted me, he didn't want to be there. They sedated him again and he fell asleep," Dr Cahe told a local radio station.

Perhaps we should all want the kind of relationship Diego has with a Doctor like Dr. Cahe, as perhaps HST had with an Attorney like, erm, "Dr." Gonzo.

And just as you suspected, this post is nowt but a poorly disguised excuse to post some admittedly pretty awesome YouTube clips of Numero 10, the first of which, for some reason is scored, rather appropriately, to an instrumental of that Mos Def, Pharaohe Monch & Nate Dogg tune "Oh No" off the last Lyricist Lounge album. This cut came more or less at the apex of Nate Dogg's glorious (?), ubiquitous hook-dropping stage, the veritable Akon of his era. Anyway, Maradona:


The thing to take from these clips (incl. the one up top) is how much fun it is to watch footballers warm up. The tricks and routines seen here are often more impressive than the ones actually employed during the game. Former England striker Gary Lineker thinks so, especially after watching one particular Manchester United winger recently. More on that later, perhaps.

The Double R.

Get your pipes.

Last time Don Rodriguez was lost in a rainy Paris for seven hours waiting for the TGV to take him to Milan (only then to, according to him, smoke other people's smoke in a non-smoking cabin on an Inter-city "express" to Rome Termini) he visited the Centre Pompidou. He remembers liking it, and more than he thought he would. Having assumed it would be one of those buildings that seem theoretically cool when your arch. prof. runs through the, um, theory behind its structure (it's "inside out!" "form follows function!" "service becomes externalized!" "look at the pretty colors!") it's actually quite pleasing to be inside, especially the tube-scalators. And you might not think it, but if you approach it from the right (i.e. wrong) angle, it can sneak up on you, though that might be due to Don's dampened memory of the (un-)airiness of Paris streets.

That's not even Don Rodriguez's best story about architecture, or even about architecture in France. On a more-than-random day-trip to Bordeaux that ended back on a beach in Biarritz, with newly purchased bottles of wine and the openers to open them and the ingredients of some never-written Hemingway short story you remember liking as a teenager then feel really embarrassed about liking when you come back to it with years behind you all-too-obviously present, Don and Friend "found" the law courts. They were deserted -- just completed, actually -- and thanks to the laissez-faire (ha!) attitude of French gendarmes there was not a guard in sight. So Don and Friend proceeded to walk in and out of these pods-that-were-courtrooms, sit on the judge's bench, voir dire the witnesses, and object strenuously to that line of questioning. And this was all before the wine, apparently.

This is Don Rodriguez's roundabout way of big-upping Richard Rogers on winning a Pritzker. Rogers deserves Pritzker props not merely because he's made it to his early 70s and found much success along the way without having found it necessary to resort to wearing a pair of Corbus for 'tect respect. For instance, there's rarely been a bad -- or maybe I should just say uninteresting -- photo taken of his Lloyds Building in London, where one of the more iconic, futuristic exterior staircases on the planet hangs as fodder for flash photogs everywhere. But it's more his consistency, and consistently intriguing designs that prove his worth as this year's laureate.

The 2007 Pritzker Laureate Photo Kit is really worth taking a look at, if just to see something called his "Shanghai Masterplan" and "London as it could be, 1986." There will be some Rogers coming NYC way "soon" too.

You ain't even in *mi clase*

But it does look like a class picture, non?

ZZ = Famous Cancerian

Why do you want to sign Zidane when we have Tim Sherwood?

Mogwai, "I Do Have Weapons," found in a clip from Zidane, un portrait du 21e siècle [a 90-minute film detailed fantastically well here.]

DOME PIECE!!!

Not Jerome's niece.

Honestly, what more can I say to you?